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Allow me to pull my hair out.

Can somebody explain why people tend to say something, then proceed to just disappear in an instant? 
I'm sure I've done it in the past, but that would have been a long time ago, so my memory is a bit fuzzy.
I hate seeing the people I care about do this, because it's like they wanted to get something out, and then they do get whatever they wanted to say out,
but before they give you a chance to reply - boom, they just up and leave...and then it makes me feel upset and worried.

Also, we tend to blame ourselves for things that we aren't actually at fault for. If I say I've never done it at all, I'd be lying. In fact, I've done it recently.
It's funny how the human mind works like that, but I'm just curious as to why other people place the blame upon themselve especially when the actual fault is obvious It's like we
end up so blinded because something drags us so far down that all we can start thinking about is that we must be the ones at fault.

I hate going through this, but it hurts me more when I watch someone else who is close to me go through it. It kills me inside, because I'd much rather put myself in their position and take the pain
that they are having to deal with. (ie essentially taking the bullet for them so that they don't have to hurt.) I wish things worked like that, but I guess, if they did, I might be dead right now simply just
because of my caring nature.

Inner turmoil is something that we all face. I don't actually know how many people are going to read this post, or who will be reading this, but you've more than likely dealt with some inner turmoil, or you are dealing with it right now. It's funny because I know that whoever is reading is probably just like me in a sense of the fact that you're more than likely willing to preach to everyone about how they should just throw their inner turmoil up against a wall, and scream "BITCH! GET OUT. You aren't going to stay in my house (mind) any longer. Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya." Holy run-on sentence, but that's okay since I am just doing a rant of some sort. Anyways, maybe you wouldn't think of it to be so aggressive, but it seems to be true tha we are our own worst enemies.

I am a bit of an optimist when it comes to life and I constantly observe how people act towards everything...seriously. I am majorly surprised by how some people act over the smallest changes in their lives. I know that this post seems to be more multi-purpose-ranty than anything, but I guess it's just because I have a lot on my mind. Ugh. But anyways, observing people has me constantly learning about the different 'types' of people to say the least. I mean, I feel like there are categories that most people can fit in, and they can be considered labels, but putting people in these categories makes talking to them a bit easier. For example, you have the person that's constantly negative, dwells on negativity, and can't seem to find anything positive about their life. You have the person that can find positive things, but they let themselves get mislead so often and end up wandering down such a perilous path in life. There are many other types of people, and of course, they can be put into multiple categories, but one thing still stands everyone matters. I know I've touched on this before in my post directed to those that might be contemplating suicide, or have already contemplated it at one point in their lives, but it's what everything boils down to.

Please stop feeling disappointed in yourself. Yes, we get sad/upset/down. Yes, things happen. But most of you are still rather young and have a long life to live under normal circumstances, just try to keep thinking that things will get better - because they do. I am writing this from the perspective of someone who has had plenty of hills and even fucking mountains in her life to get over, and I have. I'm a badass motherfucker, a soldier, and a smart cookie. I'm also very caring, and I literally just want to shake some of you guys to try to wake you up from the crazy, negative thoughts you're all having. None of us really deserve them, but it seems so hard to battle it out with yourself...simply because we are the ones that know ourselves better than anyone else.

Anyway, I've been going back and forth constantly, but I've ranted my heart out here. Just remember that you guys really aren't let downs, that there will be better days, and that sometimes...you just need to tell your inner turmoil to sit the fuck down.

Best wishes and lots of love,

I'm not going to spend a lot of time writing this, but there are so many stressful things going on lately in your lives and it drives me nuts that I can't help every single person. A few people are contemplating suicide, when that's not the answer. So, let me just write things here, which are the exact things that I feel.

1. You are human.
2. You have a life.
3. You do matter.

Stop hurting yourself, you don't deserve it, you deserve better. All of you are so young and have lives to live. If you do something so drastic as to remove yourself from this world, you are not only ending your life, but you're saying fuck you to all the people that care about you. I know it's hard to get through life, as we all go through different things, and some of us are faced with traumatic situations that we didn't deserve to go through, but the world stops for no one.

However, that doesn't mean that you should take the easy way out and end it. You are saying that it's okay to end it, when you don't know what your future will be like, you don't know where you could end up, it is a part of life. It's stressing me out to no end that so many of you are ridiculously hard on yourselves to the point of where you think you are a hindrance to everyone on the planet, when in reality - you aren't. There are people out there who would love to meet you, and I'm sure you at least have one friend who is happy to have met you, whether you realize it or not.

One of the biggest goals that I've always had is to make a difference (a positive one) in someone's life. Like, a huge impact that they will remember forever, something that wakes them up out of the trance that they are in so that they can realize how much they actually really are worth.

You guys are all so precious. Everyone is some sort of diamond - whether it is a diamond in the rough, or someone who is glistening brightly to everyone. I can't force you to see that, but I can keep telling you what I see inside of you all. 

I can't make myself into multiple people to be more than just one person to tell you that you're worth it, or that you're priceless. I can only speak from the person that I am myself. A lot of you are young kids still, jesus christ, and I don't mean that in a derogatory way. I mean, some of you are still in highschool, that classifies as a young kid to me, not used in the derogatory term to call someone dumb, because I don't mean it like that at all. It's not like I'm THAT much older, but regardless of your age, you shouldn't kill yourself.

I am going to be the one to apologize on behalf of all of the fucking assholes that mistreated you throughout your life so far. I'm far from perfect, and I've made mistakes myself, but I've never degraded someone so much. I know how it feels because I went through it, too, but I'm still here - I'm living, I'm standing, and I'm making it through my life. It hasn't been easy for me, and I don't expect it to be, but I'm excited for my future, just like you should be.

If you take away your life, you're missing out on so much in the future. Shit may be terrible now, but it gets better, I promise.

You are all amazing people, I wish I could give everyone hugs, because some of you could really use them. Please pick yourselves up and stay strong for your friends/family, but most of all - for yourself

I'm going to go lay down now because this is not making me feel great at all. It sucks feeling so helpless, but please - just wake up.

Public Wants List

Wants List (Warning: Image heavy...):

Note: If anyone sees their picture on here and wants me to take it down, feel free to let me know and I will take it down <3

Houndoom Movie Charm

Houndour Mascot

More Houndour Pokedolls (I want to end up with a whole pack of them one day :D)

Candy figure, Battle museum, kid, zukan

Houndour Paki Paki (Talk Talk) Figure

Clear Houndoom Kid

Banpresto Absol UFO

Absol Lottery Plush

Absol Pokedoll

PC Slowpoke Beanie

Tomy Plush Clip Slowpoke

Reshiram Pokedoll

Tophat Deerling

DX Scraggy Pokedoll

PC Scraggy

Charizard Pokedoll

Pokemon Time Pikachu

Sandile Mascot

German Festival Raichu Plush

Raichu Canvas

Blaziken Pokedoll

Swampert Pokedoll

Virizion Pokedoll

Takara Tomy White Kyurem (Aka Mr. NomNoms)

White Kyurem Pokemon Center Plush

Ichiban Kuji Lottery Reshiram

Umbreon Canvas Plush

If you have any of the above, or have any houndour/houndoom merchandise, feel free to post below or contact me :D

Feedback: http://feedback.pkmncollectors.net/feedback/view/xcuddleofdeathx/


Still haven't stopped listening to this song ever since it came out:

My tweets



A guy will love his girl on her best days and her worst days, he will be there to change her mood from bitter to better, he'll grab her arms when she comes out swinging at him and pin them to her, kissing her to calm her down.

Current Plush Collection (With pics)

So, I still have around 18 more plushies coming in, and they aren't all gonna fit...which is fine, but I am gonna post what I have so far :D

Top Shelf of display case:
Second shelf:
Third shelf:
Bottom shelf:

Just a few more sips.

Just a few more sips til my drink is all gone. That's okay though, because I need sleep. But first, I have a lot of things to write about and express. The actual entry has not started, or has it? I like to think it hasn't, yet it will basically start after the next period.

I am so happy. Everyone in th pkmncollectors community has been so utterly fantastic to me. I: am so happy that I've joined that community. I've started making a little bit of a collection now, and everything is still coming in. I am going to get some cleaning done today and move stuff around to make room for the shelf which was bought to store plushies in for display. Got a real nice price on it, too. $125 for a five-layered shelf made of actual wood with a mirror in the back. The door of it is glass and it looks really nice. It also have some cabinets at the bottom, came with two little addons which store items as well (like games/consoles, etc.) as well as a very well-constructed mirror, and a paper mache parrot made in Mexico in the 60s. The parrot was free and looks incredible, I'll have to take pictures of it soon. Similar parrots on eBay were going for over $85, and certain ones were going over $1600...but, this parrot is not for sale. I really like him. He's old and he has very nice colors on him...so, the bird stays.

I have a houndour plush coming in today, which is another big plus. I can't wait to get it in the mail since it evolves into my favorite pokemon. I bought it from a seller who is the same age and is from the same state that I'm in. He didn't come with his hangtag, but that's okay - because I bought a second one for around the same price with both tags. Can't wait to get both of them in. The second houndour comes in on the 24th, so one day after the first. So excited to get those little guys. I plan on collecting the houndour plushies.

I need to find someone that can design a great custom Houndoom plushie next, as there is not a lot of Houndoom merchandise...I have no idea why. It could be because Houndoom is not a 'popular' pokemon, yet it is so great looking. I love it so much. So, hopefully I can obtain my dream Houndoom plushie.

Another great thing that happened is that I won the auction for a Sceptile plush for $60. That's still a steep price, but it is a great price for Sceptile. He is a rare pokedoll next to Blaziken (who is probably the most popular out of the three) and Swampert. I think that Sceptile might be more rare though, even if he is wanted the least (I actually have no idea which one is wanted the most, to tell you the truth...but the Sceptile does actually look incredible, I can't wait to get him in, assuming the group actually wins the auction so that I can pay!)

Next month is going to be a big month with school and whatnot. I will be able to expand the collection a little more if I'd like, but I will be slowing down since I've already bought so much for the new collection. It will be a great collection regardless!

In a final, random note - I was so happy to see that Wal-Mart had finally restocked Mike's Hard Lemonade. I had been wanting some for awhile, and it had gone down about $1 in price. I was happy about this. The silly thing is, bottled water has actually gone up in price by $1. Oh well, I am actually finishing a bottle of Mike's as I am writing this. Once I finish, I am going to go to bed and wake up to an incredible day tomorrow, which I am going to spend part of it with the person who peaks my interest the most. Hmm, I wonder who that could be. :)

I need to get my uploads sorted out for YouTube since I've been so busy lately. I actually have quite a few of them to upload, including a lot of TCG videos (Zekrom Tins #2/#3, Dragons Exalted booster box opening episodes 1-6, terrible fake pokemon card openings (I blame ebay) episodes 1-4, one episode of Pokemon XD, an episode of White 2, a gift package opening from Odairu27, and more. I have a lot of stuff. I also need to see the first few assignments for my current college courses so that I can get everything in order.

Lots of stuff to do, basically, but I will get it done. I actually feel so achieved lately. It must be age getting to me, but I am starting to feel a lot more responsible. I hate getting old, but I love feeling like I am achieving a lot, so that's a plus.

So, why not list a few goals before I go to sleep:
- Finish my final semester of college with scores of 90-100
- Hit 15,000 subscribers before the year is over
- Maintain a beautiful plush collection
- Complete my Pokemon DS game collection (Need Japanese Heart Gold, Japanese White!)
- Find the creator of my dream plush

I'm sure that there are more, but I'm all out of Mike's Hard Lemonade - so I will stop writing for now!


So within the past few days I've bought even more stuff -- off of various places like eBay and pkmncollectors community. So I made a collage of pics for the things that are going to be arriving. A lot of them are already shipped and are currently on the way! I can't wait. This picture will be expanded on in a future post after I win some more items :)

So, here is a disclaimer:
I do not own the pictures below. They are the pictures that the original owners posted, or stock photos of the image (for pokemon soul silver)

SoulSilver is actually being sent to me as a gift from a youtuber friend known as Odairu27, pretty cool stuff, super stoked to receive that in the mail.

Overall, I am so happy right now with all of the great deals I've been getting, and I've been making friends in the pkmncollectors community too. :D


Latest Auction Wins

Included is a compiled picture of the upcoming items that I will be receiving from eBay auctions. I am so excited.

Pokemon Platinum Japanese - This one was quite a steal for a little less than $17. It is complete, functional, and will complete my 4th gen Japanese game collection. It was the only one that I was lacking.

Banpresto Deoxys UFO Plush - 2004 - this little guy looks to be great quality from the picture, although it may have two little strings that I may need to clip off, not sure. Regardless, it is an extremely rare plush and well worth more than just $22 in its current condition. Can't wait for it to arrive in the mail. It is not a bootlegged plush and is coming in from Japan.

16 Booster Packs of Platinum: Rising Rivals - I was very happy to see this auction on eBay, as I have been pretty addicted to opening Pokemon Cards. I tried to win the other auction of an extra 15 packs, but failed to do so. I was too slow. But, 16 packs for $29 is a sweet deal, honestly. -- that's around $1.81 per pack, which makes it a fantastic deal. I couldn't pass it up. I can't wait to get my packs in the mail to see what's inside.

One thing that I did not picture is the Dragons Exalted booster box, and that's because the seller only has a stock photo rather than the real photo. I will be getting that booster box in August 15th or later (since the new set releases August 15th)

I have a few more auctions which I am watching and I'm hoping to win those, as I am having a great time getting some rather decent deals on eBay recently.

The thing that I am most stoked about is that Deoxys plush. I was really surprised to win it. I had about five different windows open trying to bid to make sure I won. I'm so happy.auction2


I've been buying stuff from eBay like a mad woman lately.
I cannot wait until my Dragons Exalted TCG booster box comes in.
I also bought a Deoxys plush for $22 shipped, it is the Banpresto 2004 UFO Catcher prize. It is really rare but is absolutely gorgeous. Sadly, that one probably won't be here until September, but I can wait.
I also managed to snag 16 booster packs of Pokemon Platinum for only $29.
The last auction of the day that I've currently one is a copy of Japanese Pokemon Platinum for only $16 shipped from a US seller. I am very happy about this because it was the only japanese 4th generation game that I was missing. I am crazy and tend to collect stuff like that, but it is fun.